Why I’m Uncomfortable with Being a Feminist

In the summer of 2013, I embarked on a life changing journey to Bilbao, Spain.  Bilbao is one of the three capitals of the Basque Country, an area of Spain that, though influenced by western culture, has one of the most unique and ancient cultures in Western Europe.  Politically, the Basques are viewed by the Spanish as radicals, communists, and in some cases, terrorists.  Considering the right wing and left wing spectrum of politics, even the most conservative Basques would be placed near Bernie Sanders if they were involved in American politics.  The Basque Country is essentially the model Putney student’s utopia.  What shocked me the most about Basque culture was not their strong involvement in politics, however; what shocked me the most was their reversal of gender roles in many aspects of day to day life.  For example, traditionally, in a modern Basque family, the husband cooks and cleans for the family while the mother dishes out discipline among her children.  In my experience, I was never fearful of Bingen, my host father, who cooked every meal.  At the same time, when I was around Aintzane, my host mother, I made sure to watch what I said due to the fact that if I were to say a bad word, I was sure to get a very hard and well placed slap on the back of my neck.  Another aspect of life that surprised me in the Basque country regarding gender roles was the amount of support that the feminist movement garnered.  Due to strong involvement in politics among all citizens of the Basque country, it was common to attend protests and rallies supporting political change in every direction possible.  On average, I would accompany my host brother, Joseba, to at least one protest per week.  Many of these protests were asking for more women’s rights in the workforce and in all aspects of life in general.  While at feminist protests, as a (somewhat ignorant) American, I expected to see girls with hair dyed to be crazy neon colors, unshaved armpits and piercings all over their bodies.  I also expected there to be no men at all.  I think that this is due to heavy publicizing of feminists who happen to fit this profile in the United States.  As it so happens, I found out that what I would actually be seeing at these protests was the polar opposite of what I expected.  People attending feminist rallies came from all walks of life, from the old to the young, men and women, blacks, whites, muslims; you name it and I can certify that they were there.  I felt comfortable yelling out for equality among thousands of people.  Something that, in all honesty, I wouldn’t do in the US.  I think that I feel this way for a few reasons.

After contemplating why I would not do this in the US one of the biggest reasons that came to mind was the absence of a PC culture in the Basque country.  There, it is okay to say what you feel. If someone happens to disagree, they will have a respectful argument over the claim, understanding that there will not be a winner or a loser of the argument.  This is not true in the US, as we have a culture where if something offensive is said, you are immediately condemned for it (unless you are surrounded by people who feel the same way, of course).  Additionally, in the Basque country, the feminist movement and feminists in general do not demonize men, instead seeing them as equals, understanding that the only way to find true equality is to see men as equals, not as oppressors nor a subservient gender.  They do not blame their oppression on men but on systems set up by the government, media and a thousands of year old western culture.  They understand that it is extremely hard to change a way of life that has been present since the inception of civilization itself.  I think that this isn’t a way of thinking in the US because of a complete and utter faith in our political system, something the Basques do not have due to their history of oppression and a very large population density containing the oppressed group.  This is different than the situation in the United States where oppressed ethnic groups are dispersed throughout the country.  For every oppressed non-white person voicing their opinion, there is an even louder white male saying the opposite.  We are also taught that the ideal American doesn’t question one’s government and imagines the country in its most optimistic form.  In the US, the white population is given more power than any other group, we have never been persecuted for our existence.  Considering the fact that there are no large groups of people in our country who want to separate from the union, as we see with the Basques, all of our political beliefs are somewhat similar.  Thus, if this is true, and the white population is the dominating group within our nation in all aspects of life, we are taught by an unpersecuted group of individuals that we should never doubt our federal government.  The Basques do not take into account what the right wing Spaniards from “the motherland” say unless they feel it violates their rights to be a self governing state.  Meanwhile, in the US, we believe that our government’s actions are always in our best interest due to the fact that the majority of our nation hasn’t been persecuted.  In the Basque country, however, their culture has been oppressed since the inception of the Spanish monarchy in the 15th century.  Their pagan religion was stripped of them, and many of their traditions were as well.  Additionally, after Francisco Franco took power after the most recent Spanish Civil War, which ended in 1939, speaking the Basque language and teaching Basque traditions was made illegal until the 1970’s.  I think that due to the absence of entitlement and a history of oppression, the Basques have a culture of accepting those who are more oppressed than themselves.

Meanwhile as a male in the US, if you are not fully informed on current situations happening around the country involving gender equality (which is hard to do with such an absence of public protest and demonstration), all you hear are the seemingly deafening voices coming from Tumblr accusing all men of being sexist demons who just want to further oppress women with ridiculous accusations.  In all honesty, I may be sexist solely on the basis of being a man in America.  However, I do not wish to be. I do so by seeing no opportunity to perform public protests and am informed about the movement only by one sided news sources who strive for a shock and awe effect among viewers.  Due to this, my view of the feminist movement in America in reality is very obscured and I see the movement as many other men seem to view the movement: uninviting.  Personally, I feel as though the PC culture that many people have created in this country, though striving for equality, sets me up to be scared to speak my mind.  I feel as though any wrong word that comes out of my mouth gives someone the possibility to harass me for not thinking about whether or not someone will be offended by a micro aggression.  Due to one sided news sources and a culture that already oppresses women, we are taught to believe that the PC culture in America – which seems terrifying to me – is lead by feminists.  Thus, if I and many other men feel this way, we do not feel obliged or even interested in furthering the cause.  

I believe that the best way to find gender equality in this country is to be more inviting and publically active and less aggressive towards the dominating group of men, just like I saw with the feminist movement in the Basque country.  Although it is the loud minority of feminists who act this way, they get more attention due to our country’s culture of being politically conservative, our faith in said government and finally our culture of trying to reap money from everybody’s pockets.  For profit, news sources and comedy websites have a field day when a ridiculous accusation is made by the classic “feminazi”.  So not only does the feminist movement have to change, but so to does our entire government and culture.  Though making these changes will take years if not centuries, in making these changes, men who do not feel comfortable protesting for equal rights among women will feel more obliged to do so if equality isn’t achieved already through these changes themselves.  Men will feel proud to protest publicly and, though it will take time, changes regarding gender equality will be made in doing so.