Growing Up

Growing up I was never aware of my families financial situation, I twas kept hidden from me, and I only got brief glimpses of it when shopping or asking for things. Growing up with a single mother, I knew I wasn’t financially well off, but I never thought that we didn’t have money, either. I got the things that I needed, and usually got the things that I want.

I moved in with my step dad and his children, and I was a little bit more aware of our financial situation. At the time, my step dad wasn’t making much, and we lived in a “not so nice house” in a really nice town. Leaving the city was a weird experience on its own, but moving to westchester was like a whole other world. The kids there didn’t worry about anything, so I began to conform to that mindset. This was the first time that I was embarrassed of where I came from (as sad as it is for me to say that now). My house just wasn’t nice like the other kids, they lived in mansions. I hated westchester because I never fit in. In NYC everyone was so different, from all different backgrounds and I easily flew under the radar. In westchester, I was the weird girl with the weird clothes.

When I decided to apply to boarding school, financial aid played a huge part in where I could attend. It was never a question that I would go to the school that gave me the most money, I knew that that was what I was going to do. Not because I was poor, just because I was average. I didn’t have money to throw about.

When I came to Putney, my money (or lack there of) was thrown into my face. I suddenly had friends with more money than I could ever imagine. It wasn’t like Westchester, though. The kids here kept their wealth hidden, almost as if it was something to be embarrassed about. Kids who I knew were wealthy wore clothing that made them look homeless, and often joked about how poor they are. For me, this was very painful to adjust to. I didn’t understand why people were using my financial status as a cool trend. It wasn’t cool, and it was something that I had grown up hiding. Having people here denouncing their wealth publicly for no reason it just didn’t make sense for me.

I come from a working class family, my mother has worked hard for every opportunity that I have been given. She works three jobs to support me and the rest of my family, without complaining. Now that I am applying for college, she has told me that she refuses to let me take out any loans, and instead wants to take loans out in her name. I struggle at our school because of how entitiled I know feel. I don’t want to forget where I come from, and I feel guilty for my family working so hard to send me here and then to college. I know that they want me to do well in life, but I feel bad for making them struggle so hard.