Everyone wants to find themselves, to have some kind of identity that makes them part of something universal. One category of our constructed society is gender, male or female (yes there are people who identify themselves as other but everyone is born either male or female). Men are trying to figure out how they fit into society. They are getting messages from the media and despite their conscious awareness of these messages, on a subconscious level, their sense of self is still affected. As a man struggles to define himself, the media overwhelms him with contradictory and unrealistic models. Didn’t you know men are supposed to suppress their emotions and feelings, and be a strong, athletic, tall, protective provider? That they are gross, dirty pigs, stupid assholes, independent, macho, violent, dominant, powerful people who are better than women?
In order to gain some perspective on the topic I interviewed my peers and teachers hoping for some more insight. The first question I asked was What is the ideal man according to the media? The answers I got were pretty much the same whether the interview was old, young, male or female. The ideal physical appearance of a man is white but not pale, athletic, good looking, handsome, strong, muscular, tall, ripped and their ideal characteristics would be cool under pressure, the hero, gets along with everyone, satisfies women’s needs as well as his own, unconsciously tries to get the girl, money, and be successful. More words came up but those were the answers that came up the most. I didn’t find these answers very surprising. We are all exposed to the media’s unrealistic representation of how men should look and act.
The next question I asked was What is the kind of man you personally find attractive or idealize? I found everyone had their own opinion, which again was not surprising. Everyone has their own perception of people they find attractive, no matter how influenced these opinions are from the media or other people. Some people like shorter guys, which goes against the tall guy represented in the media. Some people do like tall, which just happens to be the height the media says is the best. But then there are also people who like men average height. Some people like dark instead of blond hair. Some people prefer men of color versus white men. Some people want men who are genuine and understand not a douche. Some people want adventurous men. Men who are not afraid to make a fool of himself or not afraid to be emotional. There was a range of what people’s preferences were. Although I wonder if the answers I found would have been the same as if I had asked this question and the previous one separately. Did they just say what they thought I would want to hear? Did they subconsciously try to answer the question with contrast to what they thought the media told them? Perhaps people were worried and ashamed to agree with the stereotypical interpretation of what it means to be a man.
Is your ideal man different from how the media depicts men? The majority people thought their personal taste and the people they idealized were different than the way media portrays the perfect man. But some did correlate with what they previously said was the media’s depiction of the ideal man. One of my favorite quotes from my interviews was, “yes, I don’t like the stereotypical hot guy, abs are scary.” To those men reading this who don’t have hot, defined abs, don’t you worry. There is hope you will find someone. Something the media fails to tell men is that even if you do not have every physical and emotional characteristic the media tells you to have, you are in no way a failure. The media starts to push pressure on men but then the ball just keeps rolling. Eventually the men don’t have to consciously think about how they are not good enough they just believe they aren’t. This is awful.
On the upside everyone I interviewed consciously disagreed with the way men are represented in the media. For example “No [I do not agree with the way the media represents men], but it’s entertaining to see fictional performances, [media is] fun to watch but impossible to live.” Yet in the end it is not simple fun and games but actually harmful to men. Even if you consciously know “[Ideal] guys don’t spontaneously occur, it’s stupid to make that requirement”,but we do anyway. Women expect men the way the media portrays them. Men know this and try to live up to their standards.
Everybody I interviewed seemed really consciously aware of the media and believed they were not affected or less affected than they really are. Even though Putney people may be more aware than most people in the world outside our Putney bubble; no one is immune to media’s influence. Although we are consciously aware of the media’s corruption on society we still subconsciously find ourselves trying to make ourselves better. Why is the media’s influence so strong on the way we see ourselves? The media mirrors our society’s cultural values; whether or not we want to believe it, we feed into the roles we think society wants us to be in. I think we need to communicate more with men. Men are too dependent on the media for how to think and act. That is not their fault but they should just know there are many kinds of men. One does not have to be a perfect replica of the media’s ideal man to be liked.
To find a range of stereotypical roles guys play in the media, I decided to study how guys were depicted in the movie 10 things I hate about you. First off we have Patrick as the typical “bad boy” character who is attractive, cocky, badass, mysterious, attractive, intimidating, with an I don’t care attitude. He’s strong and independent until he is paid to take out this girl. He embodies the “hero,” so when the girl is drunk he helps her. He ends up falling in love with her. Patrick has a hard shell but he’s soft inside. He is not as badass as he is perceived to be. Common isn’t the perfect man? What girl doesn’t want a bad boy who turns sweet just for them and helps them when it is needed? Perhaps the purpose of the bad boy in the movie is to make fun of the role of the bad boy but at the same time still promotes this stereotype.
There is also the cute romantic geeky guy, Cameron, who is more in touch with his feminine side and shows when he is hurt, unlike the bad boy. He is adorable, romantic, has a cute smile, looks nerdy, optimist, innocent, and vulnerable. Cameron likes Bianca the second he sees her, he tries hard to act cool in an attempt to get the girl but is really nervous. He also attempts to tutor her in french not because he knows the language but because he wants to send time with her.
Then lastly there is the popular douche bag, Joey who is white, good looking, fit, has good hair as well as a fancy watch and car. He is misogynistic, self involved, talks back, is rich, uses money to get what he wants, flaunts money. He cares deeply about appearance and just happens to be a model. Joey is embarrassed when he loses his manliness when hit and kneed in the balls by Bianca after trying to start a fight with cameron because he took Joey’s date. Joey’s only motivation to get with Bianca is to have sex with her. Luckily karma gets him and he ends up with a black eye and no girl.
This movie reinforces certain relationships between women and men. The women wanting the bad boy with a heart, not really interested in the nerdy kid but ends up with anyway because he is cute and has a heart unlike the popular douchebag with no heart whom in the end no one wants to be with. The media points out how to be a man, especially in relation to women. Let’s be real (in a heteronormative way). All the guys secretly want the girl no matter how “manly” they are. They are taught to put on an act for women because that is what the media teaches men that is what women want. It is harmful to both men and women. Men look at the media for how to look and act in order to get the girl. They think the media shows a realistic interpretation of what women look for in men. And if they don’t look that certain way then that hurts their confidence and lowers their self esteem. They blame themselves instead of the constructed society that worships the media.
It is time we all have a reality check because it is basically impossible to find a man that can check off every box the media created. The majority of people are normal people that can check off a few boxes. Then there is the people who push the boundaries of gender; the more feminine man or tomboy girl with 5 brothers and mostly guy friends, the man who is not super fit and more in touch with his emotions and there are transgender people. The media says the men who push these boundaries in some way are less manly, which is ridiculous.
One can possess qualities that the media shows as right in order to be a man but in no way does that define a man. There are so many qualities and characteristics that can make a man. How does the media define an undefined thing? A simple definition is impossible so the media just force feeds us something so our society has some kind of structure.
In the video What boys aren’t telling you, Rosalind Wilson interviews guys in high school talking about being heartbroken by breakups and other pressures of not feeling free to talk about their feelings. This just goes to show you men have feelings too even if they are suppressed and come up in being more violent like the media has kindly taught them. I know it’s crazy, guys have feelings too. Who knew? But seriously I have learned guys are more complex than people and the media believe. We need to let men feel how they feel because that makes them more manly, not less.
Putney Mediates the Media 